Friday, January 8, 2010

NEWSFLASH! I Am A Massive Nerd.

Yes, yes, Ha-ha ho-ho at the obvious fat joke. But what I actually meant is that my nerdly qualities are quite pronounced of late- a manic cycle is in full swing and the Kaytor's embroidery needle is flashing like a swashbuckler's rapier.

If you know your nerds, and you should know your nerds because, in case you've been cryogenically frozen these last few years, (Hi Walt!) the Geek has inherited the Earth. Anyway, if you know your nerds, you know that Poindexter is happiest in the midst of a project.

I am a very happy nerd right now. I have a project, but ask and I will hesitate to disclose its details (to the uninitiated, at least) because of it's sheer geekitude. Most of you won't get it, or you will get it and roll your eyes at its childishness.

Hint #1: Hipster craft
That is to say,Grandma's traditional time-killing, hope-chest-filling techniques used for very ungrandma-like purposes: the production of pop-culture ephemeralism that as you age will be left mouldering away in a closet until happened upon by your curious crotchmonkeys.

I know it's beyond passe to quote and reference The Simpsons these days, but the best illustration of hipster craft was beautifully rendered in an old episode where Lisa discovered the Bouvier family quilt. The square contributed by a teenage Marge was a seventies yin yang with the very R Crumb slogan "Keep on Truckin'" stitched just above.

Lisa:
'Keep On Truckin'.... What does that mean?
Marge: I didn't know then... and I don't know now.

With that in mind, imagine trying to explain a 4chan meme to your future thirteen-year-old!

Perfect McPreciousballs:
Hey Mom, why do you have a handmade pillowcase with 'All Your Base Are Belong To Us' embroidered on it?
You: Well it's from this... Uh.. never mind.
Junior Angelfartutterbliss: Is this another one of those weird internet things?

So yeah, That's what I'm doing with my spare (HA!) time. Contributing to the future crap closets of friends and family. My poor grandma was initially thrilled to hear I'd taken up needlepoint and embroidery... When she sees what I've been doing I'm going to get a lot of sincere but vaguely puzzled support. Well Grandma, you know I've never been a birds and flowers kinda girl.

Hint #2: Articles From A Wasted Youth
Although, I would argue that playing vidja games isn't a waste if you enjoy yourself, and some of the best times memories I have of spending time with my brothers was when we were playing Nintendo (and fighting over deleted save games and powerup-hogging)

Hint #3: Oh Hell, You might as well know so you can laugh when I give up on it.

I am totally going to attempt this in cross stitch. Pixel. By. Pixel. I am probably mad. DANCING MAD.

Well to be honest, this is going to take time to work up to. Right now, It's all about the 8-bit. 16 bit... is going to have to wait until I get more practice. Working on a grid is oddly soothing- I find myself tossing around all sorts of designs on graph paper and am beginning to suspect that my brain is more anal-retentive/mathematical than previously suspected.

That said, feel free to commission me if you want a picture of Bowser buttfucking Super Mario stitched on your favorite pair of chucks.

Hahha, no, I'm joking :)

I can't do chucks.