Wednesday, March 10, 2010

A Seussical Commentary On My Roommate's Cats

Turning Cat piss into Lemonade, in a stylistic tribute to the dude himself:

One cat.

Two cats.

Three Cats.


See this creature? This cat Purdy?
She is filthy.
She is dirty.
She will not shit where she ought.
She will not use a chamber pot.
or go in box like she's been taught.

In fact-
(Excuse my lack of tact)
Where this cat shat would make you yak!

She shits on chairs
She shits on beds
She shits on sheets
and soft bedspreads

She shits in halls, and closets too!
There is no place she will not poo!

Her favorite spot leaves me so sour
Why must she shit in the shower!?
In the shower?
The tub?
The bath?
Purdy you're a nasty cat!

Why not use the porcelain chair?
The one next to the bath, right there?

And now that I am on a rant,
Gaze upon my hairy pants!

My clothes- all coated with their fur.
I just washed them.
They just purr.

And this cat, Tabs, alias "Pisser":
I'd like to smack her in the kisser
(also, she's the pooper's sister).

Can you guess from her nickname
The little quirk that makes her lame?

Yes, that's right, she likes to pee.
I swear she does it to be mean.
If you move her from a chair
she will violate your lair
She'll piss right where you sleep at night
Tell me that's not outright spite!
And let me tell you, I insist-
There's nothing grosser than cat piss!

Maybe there are decent cats
But these three jerks are dirty rats
who act like they are hooked on meth
So I'm not going to hold my breath.

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